Water-Cooler Talk

Since I started working (I can’t name the place I work in because they don’t read this and don’t know I keep a blog, but if I did they’d find out just what it is that I do and maybe start offering advice on what else I should do) I’ve been getting on well with the people who work in our office. I can’t name all of them, because some have particularly usual names that’d be very easy to track. I spend the vast majority of my time sitting in the upstairs office, writing up the news or keeping our main page content up to date. It’s all very dull, but at the same time, it’s work I can manage without freaking out at all so I won’t complain.

I tend to spend most of my time with a set of noise cancelling headphones in. It’s helped me construct an entirely unapproachable air that I’m quite happy with. This is a big help because (as many of you may have noticed) I’m a far more competent communicator in text than in person. What’s strange is that, partially because of this, I seem to work more closely with the people from the lab downstairs than the people in the office upstairs. The upshot of this is that when I decide to work from home, which I usually manage one or two days a week, people I work with often don’t notice.

When someone does notice, it tends to be Ross. Ross uploads all of the content that I write to the page, makes sure it’s all neatly aligned and nicely assembled. In short, he’s one of the people in work I talk to most and he’s generally very forgiving about my tendency to send eight or nine emails before he shows up for work in the morning.

Where all of this comes together is in the few minutes a day during which I actually talk to the people I work with. The water cooler happens to be upstairs, near enough to my desk. Whenever people come upstairs to grab a cup of water, I shout, “No! WAIT!” then tear out my headphones and charge across the office (I’m sure rattling all of the various business types around), often scattering the files other people mistakenly stack on my desk as I go. I don’t deal with any files – they are there in error. I am not responsible enough for files.

When I arrive, usually skidding across the cheap, rough-ridged carpeting, a little breathless and definitely in need of a drink, I get a chance to engage one of my favourite conversations. Ross and I have “water cooler talk” most days of the week. I stand, trying to look much more composed than I really am, and he stands opposite me, pretending the whole idea isn’t fundamentally ridiculous. Then we open the dialogue; it always begins with something entirely silly, like, “So, did you catch the game last night?”

From there though, we proceed to try and narrow the subject as much as possible, without knowing where we’re going, what sport we’re talking about, whether we were playing in the game or not. Often we’ll push through whether or not we were playing, whether or not our side won, whether or not I was responsible for a win or loss directly and whether or not it was a good match before either of us is quite aware of what sport was supposed to have been played, if any.

Sometimes it’s all a big euphemism.

Anyway, Ross was on holiday last week, so I would toddle over to the water cooler a few times during any given day, hold a paper cup between forefinger and baby finger, depressing the blue “cold water” tap while I waited for my cup to fill. It’s strange the things you notice when there’s nobody about to distract you.

Below the taps there is a grill, through which errant water might find its way without getting all over the carpet. It’s a pretty much perfect system… except I have no idea where that water is meant to go. The pipe leading to the cooler seems thin enough that it could only possibly be one way. I stood there for a few minutes staring through the grill, able to make out dimly through the grate the reflection of the lights above and my silhouette. I wondered how long that water had sat there – would it be a corrupt and stagnant pool? Was it black not just because it was in shadow but because it had grown brackish as all standing water left long enough tends to?

Then my boss walked by and asked what was up, and why I was staring so intently at the water cooler. I responded as I probably would anyway,

“Just thinking about the game last night.”

Then I wandered off to my seat to update the news.